We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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