and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
