I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
