You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
