I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
