well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
