he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
