Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
