Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
