she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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