I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
