The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
