Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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