We won't sleep together?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
