The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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