Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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