i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just blew my weed a kiss
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
