at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
