ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
