btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
