So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
