omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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