I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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