The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
