just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
