I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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