Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They took my balls.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
