i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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