I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
