There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
