Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
