Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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