what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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