I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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