If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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