Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
