I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
