"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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