I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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