cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
