I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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