There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
