yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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