I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Randomize
