i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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