Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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