I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"it" just moved
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
