Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
