I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
