he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
