i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
