I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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