that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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